Moeslimah Only, Journey to The Blest Way

I would give up everything 

Before I’d separate myself from You (died) 

After so much suffering 

I’ve finally found unvarnished truth

I was all by myself for the longest time 

So cold inside 

And the hurt from the heart
It would not subside 

I felt like dying 

Until You saved my life 

Thank God I found You 

I’m lost without You 

My every wish and every dream 

Somehow became reality 

When You brought the sunlight 

Completed my whole life 

I’m overwhelmed with gratitude 

“Thank God I Found You” by Mariah Carey

I like part of lyrics from this song. When I heard this song, its lyric makes me remember the struggle of myself to find Allah along my life. This song has accompanied me since I found my blest way. While I was looking for the blest way, I was trying hard to learn many things... I tried hard to find the truth, space out my time to learn, and face my inner problems, against myself and obedient my heart ’cause there are oftentimes resistence both of them. Struggle to leave many things and find out what human being. And this struggle will never stop as long as this world-wide keeps standing. 

I remember. One day on November around Mosque I met someone. Her name is Aqila. We were talking for along furthermore. She is open minded and a kindly person even we just knew each other. I felt like I ever seen her before in some place, but I didn’t figure out where it was. I felt that she is my real sister. I named this ukhuwah. Even we didn’t know each other but we felt already closed for along. Someday, she came to my dorm and stayed for a night. We chatted along the night till we discussed about two ayah in Al Qur’an, [Al Ahzab:59] and [An Nur:31]. It is about muslimah attributes. Actually I often hear these ayah and just feel so so. But it was going different at that time. Directly, water grains turned down on my cheek. And finally, I realized my sins for along. I know this is guidance from God... I like the way Allah impressed me. 

But life always hard, wherever we were. Sometimes when we decided something we have to ask our heart, does he ask us to choose or not? And for me “my life is what my heart calls to do.” Anything your heart said is the truth and it comes from God, but anything logic said is nafs, and anything worst said is syetan. These are the principal of muslimah to be hold. If you do, you’ll find your blest way sista... 

Hope to become the truly a perfect one who successfully methamorphosed into the real muslimah. Forswear and regret is renewing our aim to do something to get reward from God. Bismillah.

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Rumah Tarbiyah, Yogyakarta

Monday, July 30 2012 [14:40]